I’ve been active on this page since around 2019 because of how excited I was to be one of the first volunteers headed back to service “after” the pandemic. I served in a southernmost Latin American country, part of a cohort of 10 volunteers. One of the dialogues that seems to be missing here is what happens when mental health and medical things crop up during service. I can’t speak to the experiences of my peers, but I can share what I went through during my own service from April 2022 – May 2023. All experiences and opinions shared are my own. TW: I do speak in deoth amout some of the aspects that lead to a PTSD diagnosis

My service in country seemed to go well. I speak Spanish at home, so I felt I was able to connect pretty easily in country and understand what was going on while helping my peers navigate new contexts. I got projects started, I gave many presentations, I had things to input into VRG, I made friends, I explored, and overall this was generally one of the best times of my life. The lessons I learned from service stick with me today and have certainly shaped who I am and what I do next.

What didn’t go well and what I was wholly unprepared for was how quickly and how deeply I could integrate into my community. Working with my health post, we would go visit patients with cancer. Open necrosis on their bodies as we treat them with ibuprofen and clean them up with well water. They all passed away. Sometimes patients would come in and we wouldn’t have the right tools to treat them, let alone the appropriate medical knowledge. I’ve seen homeless kids suffering from abuse and heat stroke, only sent to the hospital once they started throwing up blood. On a day of over 100F, no one thought to make him take off his large black parka. I’ve witnessed car accidents, all of it passing in slow motion as I watch the motorcyclists head hit the pavement, his body twitch and stop moving. I remember how traffic stood still, and the crowd of people who came to press up against my window on the bus for a better look as I cried. Once I got threatened for breaking up a physical alteration, making it so security had to pull me out of site for the week. Another time I remember going out with my friends from town and having them leave me with another male friend from site who began to touch me in ways I couldn’t stop him from as I stared deeply at my friends on the other side of the club. All the kittens I tried to foster were killed by neighboring cats. When I finally got a litter of puppies I could help, one was so far gone and we were so far from veterinary services that it was up to me to snap the puppies neck and leave it in the woods. The finishing touch for me was when one of my community members (a HCN) committed suicide.

I don’t really hear these conversations happening. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just too sensitive. It’s hard to have these conversations on Peace Corps forums because of how difficult it is for people to recognize that these exist in the experience of being a Peace Corps Volunteer. They aren’t pretty. My biggest struggle in all these instances have been the inability to take action and having to take action in ways that go against my moral code.

What happened next? I began therapy for what I was going through in November of 2022. By March of 2023 I was feeling so badly and recognizing the symptoms of stress in myself that I let my PCMO that I was feeling so tired with everything that I almost didn’t want to be here anymore. That got me put on 24-hour suicide watch, I had to pack up my belongings in one hour, and I was at the airport (med evac) within 12 hours of getting the news I’d be heading back to DC. From there I was put not on a 72 hour hold at the Dominion Hospital Psychiatric Ward, but a full week. It was never clear when I could leave or why I was left in there for so long, or if I had any choice in the matter (YOU DO). I participated in an outpatient program for nearly three weeks before they decided to separate me from service with full benefits.

And not just because they read it, but because it’s important for other volunteers who go through this process to know, I did find the PC medical team in DC to be extremely empathetic and caring. You have to know how to advocate for yourself and based off what you want, they will do their best to advocate for you.

However, all of that sort of falls off the moment you’re separated. There are so many closing tasks to complete, a month of health insurance, and a whole new reality to contend with. In the 5 months since my service ended I haven’t been able to successfully prove to the Federal Employee Compensation Act that there are things during my service that have impacted my immediate health and that I need help with certain things now. My official diagnosis is PTSD and I have no clue where to begin with it yet or how to get FECA to believe me after sending in notes from over 4 doctors during the six month period I was receiving mental health treatment for these issues.

Today I’m ok. I still love my Peace Corps service, even if it did end in a crazy way. I’m lost and healing while looking for work. I’m hopeful for what comes next. If anyone goes through med-sep and wants to talk about the process, I'm here and an open book.

TLDR; Med-sepped from service, if you're going through the same thing you're not alone. It's complicated. Reach out to you peers and let them know what you're going through, the best support system you have through service will be in country with you. Know your boundaries and take care of your well-being.