44 year old attached gentleman here in search of a friend with benefits to share intimacy with when it works best for both of us. I am not looking for a one-night stand, but I sure as hell am not looking to marry either. If we meet, you can rest assured that I will treat you like a queen with compassion, intimacy, and the respect that a beautiful woman deserves from a man. I am white, tall, bald, bearded, and very handsome, passionate, and gentle. The cock is sufficient for the task, bit you can DM for a picture if you want proof of life. Given my experiences with Reddit so far, I ask that you read, observe, and follow ALL of the requirements below prior to contacting me.

I do not have std's and do not care to get any, so please respect that and be clean too.

I do not drink nor do I do drugs, however I do smoke cigarettes, so if that bothers you don't bother writing. If you choose to drink or smoke mj in my presence, I am okay with that, but no hard drugs. I don't want the drama that comes with a drug addict.

If you're a hooker, don't write me. I don't pay for sex, and as stated above, I don't want the herpes either.

If you're a bait and switch OnlyFans model that wants to piss away hours of my time texting before asking me to subscribe to your OF page, do not write me. I have zero interest in paying to watch you dance naked in your bedroom. Pornhub is free and at least there it won't cost me money to jerk off alone in front of my phone while my dogs stare at me with confusion.

If you are under the age of 21, don't write me. Not interested.

Snapchat and Instagram models, no I won't hit you up there. Fuck off, I'm here, so we chat here. For further details, see OF paragraph above.

If you are a single dude...not interested. Don't write me. I'm not desperate and have zero interest in meeting you at the glory hole.

If you're a goddammn dude on another continent, fuck off. Your piss poor grammar and spelling are a dead giveaway and I can sniff that shit out from a mile away.

If you're a human trafficker, fuck off. See the movie Taken or John Wick for details on how you will be dealt with. I have zero issues with turning you in to law enforcement.

If you are any type of scammer or identity theft, see paragraph above for further details.

If you are confused about your gender in any way, this ain't gonna work out. Don't write me. For clarification, men have penises and women have vaginas. I am looking for a woman..with boobs and a vagina that bleeds every 21 days. Dressing up in your wife's panties with your hairy ballsack hanging out the side doesn't make you a woman so fuck off. Not interested.

If you're a robot....fuck, well I guess it doesn't matter. Bot gonna bot. Can't control that.

I guess that pretty much sums it up. If you're still reading this and you match the requirements above, feel free to DM me. Best wishes ❤️.