Know thy self.

If knowledge is power then in order to surrender power to someone else you need to what it is you are offering up.

This isn’t just for findom but for all your relationships. FIX YOURSELF FIRST.

If you constantly struggle with relationships, with self worth or with addiction then your first step should really be talking to someone. I know that’s hard for a lot of guys in particular, someone you trust, ideally a professional (not ideal to offload onto your domme or potential domme)

Understanding these parts of you and why you have fetishised them will help you control these urges and use them constructively in play and service.

Not addressing them will lead to terrible PNC when the endorphins have ceased.

Next is to understand your kink, what is it that turns you on.

Is it the visual? Fetish content purchasing maybe right for you. Is it humiliation you crave? Femdom content maybe a good place to explore. Do you just want that companionship? A cam site or OF / LF could be what works for you. Does the idea of creating a dynamic where you show your devotion financially? Then a more traditional Findom is suited to you

Some dommes may offer varieties of each, your ability to effectively communicate this will enhance your experience. So will understanding the type of domme and dynamic you want.

If you are looking for brutal insults someone who identifies as a soft domme may not be the right fit. The same in reverse. Some dommes are transactional others want to build a connection, again their profile and comments will often set the expectation, take the time to find your fit.