Posting this here since desi context will help.

I'm a 31 year old whose mother died by suicide when I was 5. My mother was 27. I have three khalas that have lived in Canada since the mid 90's. I had met all of them, on separate occasions, more than ~18–20 years ago. When my mother was alive meeting them was routine (partly because two of them lived in Lahore at the time) and it just completely stopped suddenly.

I was in touch with one of them about 12-14 years ago but for one reason or the other, I didn't stay in touch. I was very angry as a teenager and said some stuff to one my cousins at the time. I was angry at being left behind and just wanted attention. I deeply regret that.

Naturally, a lot has happened in such a long time. One of my khala's husband died due to cancer. I heard it via a 3rd party and never got in touch for offering my condolences even.

Late last year I made a plan to move to Canada as I don't see a future here. One of my aunts from Canada was in Lahore at the time, unknown to me. I had gotten in touch with my cousin and she told me they're visiting Pakistan and so I got in touch and met her after 18 years.

Meeting her was wonderful and not awkward at all. I had told her I'm moving to Canada. I had since then gotten in touch with my other two aunts and have had a good relationship with them over text.

I'm making this post because my cousin keeps telling me I am using the family now that it's convenient.

We had a fling that ended badly more than a decade ago (though only her mother knows about it and never brings it up). This cousin and I have never really gotten along since then.

I am going to be in the city they live in for only one night and I'm planning it that way because I just feel so guilty. One of the aunts, the one I haven't met for the longest time (~25 years), is holding a dinner party when I arrive. If I say no this, I feel extremely shitty. If I yes, I feel extremely shitty as I feel I'm using them.

In addition, now comes the part about spending the night. Two of the aunts have offered for me to stay but I feel so ashamed and I don't know if the right decision is to stay the night with one of them or to stay with a friend of mine.

So, /r/pakistan, I'm seeking advice on how to treat a family right that I know loves me but in my heart I feel overwhelming guilt for how I've stayed out of touch.