Forgive me posting twice on this subreddit, I don't mean to be a pain, but I'm feeling a little lost right now. Ever since I walked away from Christianity, which I did really young for a lot of reasons that are only backed up today, I've been trying to find that path that just 'clicks' with me. It feels like I'm missing that je ne sais quois of having a religion that you really jive with. I've tried on so many different paths: wicca, hellenism, necromancy, shamanism, druidry - but none of them really felt right. I was wondering if I put my general beliefs if people could... I dunno point out something I'm just missing.

I guess my general beliefs are this:

• The gods exist, all of em. I'm pretty sure the gods are more or less nebulous blobs of energy out there that try to interact with people in meaningful ways. I've had a few say hi over the years, but none of them ever seemed to really want to stay around. Mostly the Greeks for some reason, Hades, Athena, Nyx. Hecate didn't seem to want to do anything with me, and Persephone seems more or less neutral. The Morrigan from Irish myth helped me out for a while, and Lugh said hi while I was on a medical treatment thing. I deeply, deeply respect Odin and feel like we have a lot in common where our mentalities are concerned, but he seems to be a very quiet god.
• Magic is out there. I'm not sure exactly in what ways it can fully affect things, it feels to me like it's mostly a at-the-edges kind of thing, where it can manipulate fate or chances, or help heal spiritual issues, or banish bad entities. Obviously it's not like a *fireball!* kind of thing, as awesome as that would be. Maybe it used to be when the world believed in it more.
• Spirits are a thing, and they come in different mentalities. I've met one lovely little spirit bird who hung around for a bit, but then meandered off as birds do. I've also had a few close encounters with nastier things that mostly seemed to be telling me to bugger off. The most powerful spirit that's ever intervened on my behalf directly is Lake Superior which granted a few wishes for me (it helped bring me back from a really horrible experience in China oddly enough). I have a deep, deep respect for that lake.
• There's power in faith and power in stories and music. I've found that some spells I can work mostly revolve around citation of important and thematic works of old poetry or using songs or the energy from songs. I've never had much luck with the Wiccan say a rhyming couplet with herbs and candles, but maybe I just don't have enough faith in it. I sometimes have a skeptic's mind, I'd bet a lot of modern folks do, and that probably gets in the way for me. My whole life I've wanted that one indisputable thing that I can point to and go, 'see! It's all real!' As seems to be the way of these things, though, they always seem to sidle in on the edges of the world, like in dreams.
• Some things have innate power. I'm not a crystal collector, but I do have an old quartz crystal given to me by my grandfather that seems to have some innate juice to it. Certain woods, like yew or hawthorn or oak seem to be quite magical. Hagstones seem to have something to them too. Rings seem to be innately accepting of magic for me, and I had a habit of enchanting them when I was younger.
• All things have a spirit to them, animals plants or otherwise. I guess you'd call this animism, but I believe that the rocks and the trees, the water the wind, all of it has a spirit, a consciousness to it. When I was young I'd talk to things like they were people, and it felt like they responded in whatever way they could. There seems to be a point where things go from being simple to being quite complex, like with Lake Superior. Most lakes I've tried to talk to are just simple things, feelings for their own biomes, but Lake Superior feels more like a god to me than anything else. If you've never been there, it just emanates power off it in waves and has the deepest sense of serenity I've ever met.

These are the big things for me I guess. As a person, I have what I'd call an "Addams Family" mentality. I'm attracted to the macabre and the spooky, like a lot of folks here I imagine my favorite holiday is Halloween. I love folklore and the old stories, and I'm terrible about trying to keep myself to talking to just one god. I read these stories about awesome heroes or gods with these wonderful personalities and I just want to say hi and tell them I appreciate them. Nature does not seem to agree with me, I guess I've never felt like I really belong there. I have a ton of allergies to things, and mosquitoes (a veritable plague here in Minnesota) make me swell up like a balloon. I'm most drawn to death energy because of a lifelong depression, which may shine through in this post's verbiage, but I think Hades isn't really wanting to work with me anymore. My favorite pantheons are the Greeks and the Norse, for different reasons each. I adore how Odin did everything for his people, and how he valued intelligence and trickery above all else. I adore Hades and how, after the whole kidnapping thing, he because one of the most relatable, dedicated, and egalitarian gods in the pantheon. I feel attracted to him in some intangible way, but it seems that's one way. I tried to talk to the Morrigan for a long time, and there was some feedback to it, but that seems to have wandered off too. It feels like gods never stick around with me for long. The nicest goddess I ever spoke with was Nyx, she just sat with me and talked about my problems in a very kind way. She only did it once, but I'll never forget it. I say "talk," it was during a medically induced high (for the depression), so my skeptic's mind always wants to doubt it happened, but it felt really real.

Does anyone know of any kind of path that would align with this? I always seem to start down one and find something that's just too dissonant to follow. With Hellenistic paganism, there was a lot of concern about miasma and keeping a flame for Hestia which I just can't reasonably do. With Necromancy, the dead don't seem to want to talk to me, and I can't see spirits like other people can, just feel them at the edge of my mind. I dunno, maybe this will go no where... sorry for going on like this.