Bring them to me

I'm already screwed dude, my dad shot and killed my mom last year and the first thing I did was run to dope. I've been "clean" for a while, 9 months on suboxone. But got dropped by my doctor last week. I haven't used yet, but these withdrawals are killing me. And I don't know if I can handle it. Being sober feels like losing my parents all over again, and then this heart break this man that took care of my heart when it was broke, he fixed me and then broke it again. I got clean for him, I got help, I was the best me I could have possibly been and then he says that it was toxic and he didn't realize it until now and cuts me off. After a year. Like dude really took care of me, mentally. He's been my only happiness since I list my parents last year. I'm a single mom fighting addiction with no family. Like I'm on the verge ASF of using. Sorry I just word puked all over you.

I know I know, I'm in withdrawal all at the same time though. Withdrawal from Suboxone. I was at 4mg a day and I've been off cold turkey for a while now and I literally can't move my back is killing me 😥 and then this guy I've dealt with for over a year now says I'm toxic and I run away Everytime he gets comfortable with me again, and I'll always do that. I'll always disappear for months at a time and show back up, and he can't take it mentally anymore. I don't blame it. But I love him. I didn't mean to hurt him, I was just trying to save myself.