So I'm 45 days clean today, got a full time job, living in a recovery house, things are actually going really well. But I can't stop thinking about where I should be in life and what I've lost. Just seen my exes modeling pictures, she got clean a year ago and is in Florida and fuck is she still so beautiful. Girl was mine and I decided to keep getting high and I lost her. Paying off thousands in fines and student loans for a degree i didn't finish. And I don't know how to deal with these emotions. That's why I got fucking high, to run away from my emotions. I hate feeling things that aren't good. I want to get high. I can't get high but fuck if it wouldn't be nice. End shit post