Ok… where to start…

My husband (39M) and I (36F) met back in 2008. We were quite young (19f and 22m), got engaged about 8 months in, and ended up dating for about a year in total. By that time, I realized that I was scared of how fast things were moving and all of the big changes in our lives (we had both joined the military), so I broke things off like an idiot (he’s a pretty damn amazing person). Only for us to come back together about 5 years later in 2014 and we’ve been together ever since.

When we first started talking again in 2014, he told me something he hadn’t initially for fear of how I’d react. He is bi. I don’t personally have any issues with people’s sexual preferences or what their sexual history has been, so it wasn’t an issue for me per se. Although I’ve always found women to be quite beautiful and same-sex intercourse to be quite sexy, I’ve never found myself to have any desire to be involved sexually with one. I am realizing more and more just how very little I fit on the Kinsey scale… However, my husband has a past with the same sex that he would like to continue to explore more of if I am interested. He also has a fantasy of sharing me with someone else (hotwife); to witness someone else enjoying me in the ways he gets to, often. The typical threesome fantasies are there as well with either men or women. He says these are things he wants to do with me as a partnership. Though, he is not opposed to either of us being with others as long as we discuss it first. I don’t feel like us doing anything separately is remotely a good idea because I feel it would open too many more possibilities for emotional connections with others and the potential for hiding things.

I told him from the beginning that I have absolutely no issues with him being bi and that I’m glad he felt comfortable finally telling me. I shared with him that as much as I wanted to make him happy and fully satisfied with whatever he needed sexually, I wasn’t sure I could provide the things he wanted me to consider. I wanted him to truly consider everything and be sure, that if he wanted something more serious with me, I would be enough for him. At that point, I explicitly gave him an out to explore prior to furthering our relationship if he felt it was something he truly needed to experience. He then told me that nothing would make him happier than to be with me and nothing else mattered enough to lose me.

Since, we’ve had this conversation several times (basically me trying to find ways to make myself more comfortable with the idea because I like the idea of still being open to it): discussing fears/doubts, fantasies, who we would be with, how often, ground rules, etc … and I always seem to come to the same conclusions… that I’m getting too caught up on the fears and what-ifs of the aftermath and/or my insecurities are telling me that I won’t be enough anymore if I decide I don’t like it and he does. I’m worried I’ll have a difficult time sharing him or we won’t look at each other the same way. This man is my absolute best friend. Sex has already been an issue with us in the beginning, not because of this topic, but due to other mental things that caused low libido. We’ve grown a lot over the years together (he’s a stepdad to 1 and we have 2 other kids together, one kid was sick with brain cancer in 2020) and talk through things much easier than before when something comes up we’re struggling through. But sex hasn’t been as much of an issue lately, hence, why this topic has come up again.

Is there anyone else out there in a similar situation to me (female straight and husband bi)? Were you able to decide to at least try it once? What did you do that led to making your definitive decision? Did you regret it afterward? Were things different for you or awkward? I would love some legitimate recommendations and shared experiences guys. I feel like I’m getting too in my head about this, but I would like to make a decision overall about what to do so I’m not doing this every few years. We’re also not getting any younger either lol