I just kinda wanna die I’m a failure a terrible person and a shit boyfriend and a terrible son. All I can do is sit and wallow in self pity and I just don’t wanna do it I just wanna sleep forever. I wanna cry but I just can’t, but I can’t tell anyone this cause I’m supposed to be the happy one the one who holds everything together. But I don’t wanna be the middle man any more. I don’t wanna be the connecting piece. I don’t wanna be me, everyone has such high expectations for me and I try to meet them but I just can’t. I just can’t do anything right. The only thing I’m good at is video games. I just wanna go back in time and be me again. I wanna be happy, why is that too damn hard to ask for. I’m so tired of it all. I’m so tired of the same day in day out experience. I want something else. I wish that being the middle child was what everyone said it was I wish I was forgotten then it would be easier to go away but I can’t. I wish I could tell everyone this but I can’t I can’t have them worry. I wish I was better. But I’m not so. I want to just not be here. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore I don’t want to keep trying I want to disappear. I just don’t feel anything more I used to be a happy kind person I used to care but I don’t feel like that’s me anymore and I hate myself for it. I hate me. But to everyone else I love myself, I’m such a nice guy, I’m someone people wanna be around. I don’t want that I hate my “charm” my “charisma” I don’t want it I want to be alone. I WANT OUT. I’m sorry for this I just need to get it out.