I(19M) have been single almost my entire life. Sometimes thinking simply about who I am or what I want from life always really make me depressed. For a long time I’ve always wanted a girlfriend. Someone who would choose me first. Someone who showed genuine compassion for me as a person. Every attempt at a relationship throughout my schooling career have always ended in me either being cheated on or left for a better guy. Granted I’m not the best. I get distracted easily, I’m stupid, and overall never really felt like I was good enough which only ever got worse with each attempt. Losing my virginity was a beautiful experience but Covid caused them to be sent back to there home country where she simply started a new life with her new boyfriend. When I got to college I thought everything would change, but it didn’t. It only showed me that I have severe ADHD that I’m unmedicated for and simply how I’m just a rebound or a one night stand. Which is all I’ve ever been. I always used to think I was at least of average attractiveness. 6’3, relatively short hair and sometimes with my hair done right I felt handsome. But today after spending time with a girl I liked and eventually slept with told me she had just gotten over her boyfriend and wanted to just be friends. Only to later reiterate she wants nothing with me. I’m slowly but surely falling Deeper into my depressive state. I can’t find value in myself anymore. I want to give up. Nothing is panning out. I can’t get the grades I want for my mom. I can’t prove to myself I’m worth a damn, I barely speak to my dad. And everyone else just lives there lives. And I just lay here hoping that one day I’ll find someone who chooses to stay. Thanks for listening Reddit it’s really late and I couldn’t sleep