Yesterday, I (23M) took a nap only a couple hours after waking up because I realized I still needed more sleep. In part I dreaded it because for some reason I seem to get nightmares more easily during the day than at night, and I had every reason to. Because what I dreamt was just... terrifying. I don't want to describe it, but it has to do with how a family member treated me badly back when he lived with us. It's not the first time either. I have noticed that whenever I have a nightmare that has to do with a family member, it nearly ALWAYS has to do with HIM.

I talked to my parents about this... and what a mistake that was. It feels as if they're being so... lenient with him. That's not to say that they're in favor of how he treated me, but their reaction just feels so... wrong. They know how he treated me. Hell, he most certainly was not nice to them either. The only person he ever treated right was my younger brother (18M). That is not to say I want him to treat my brother badly. What sickens me is the favoritism.

My mom says that I should just talk to him about how he treated me. And just... what?! They know how he treated me. Why are they being so forgiving? So what if he was going through a lot? So what if he was going through something personal? Do my feelings mean nothing just because he's family?

I do find it strange how he doesn't even fully respect my choice to never want to have kids. Well that's odd. Why does he care? He seemed to have no qualms whatsoever mistreating, shunning out, and being jealous of his autistic brother. I thought he would have wanted less people like me to exist.

I just feel so invalidated. I'm just laying here... feeling empty. I don't have much of a will to do anything.

I might take this down at some point. I just really needed to get this off my chest.