I’m realizing that men as a whole in America don’t respect or actually care about women.

Growing up in an abusive and toxic household I (F23) had always dreamed of a relationship and family outside of my own where I felt safe, protected and cherished. I have had a few long term relationships, one for two years, then four months then about a year and a half and recently come to a horrifying realization.

Most men that I’ve come into contact with dont give a lying fuck about women. Our society at large is deeply rooted in racism and sexism, working to divide us as people and separate and have gotten damn good at it. As much as I want to turn a blind eye and believe otherwise, the signs are everywhere and becoming more and more glaring. You see it everyday in tv shows where the women (written by men) only fulfill their father’s dreams when they are intelligent and strong willed. You see it in books (written by men) when they describe in great detail how attractive of a woman she is but gives her no substance or background in the character, she does this because of insert surface level stereotype about women. We are seen to have less value with more partners because they “taint” us (but what does this say about your own lustful hands?) while for men they are praised for having sex with more people.

Men in the day to day treat women like two dimensional characters who fill one or more of three categories in their mind. The Mother- someone to take care of them, providing comfort and support, a family. The Madam- someone to satisfy their own sexual needs whenever they want because they “deserve it”. Or the Maid- someone who cleans up after them and their messes whether emotional, mental or physical.

Most interactions with men leave me drained and repulsed. To the choice of words they seem fit to use with a women when they wouldnt talk to their friends, the blatant disrespect and attitude when you dont appreciate their advances or comments (sometimes resulting in SA or assault in general), the mentality that their friends who they see as three dimensional beings cannot be “bad” because they grew up together/went to school together/he was cool in passing so they dog and drag women for being assaulted. The apathetic response to 1/4 women in this country having in her lifetime experienced SA and 1/3 of those women would experience multiple in her lifetime.

But here we are trying to protect these fragile men’s egos clarifying, “well yes, not all men” “I know you wouldnt” etc etc. Instead of being able to look them in the eye and say this is a major problem and women cannot hold men accountable without other men holding them accountable. This problem extends past just us women. Look out at what is happening. More violence, more negligence, more turning blind eyes and ears away from the reality standing in front of us, behind us, following us home in the dead of night and trying to break in.

I went through three assaults within 24 hours, three different men, two of which at the same time. Was hospitalized and have complications in my life years later because of what those men did to my body. Not to mention the mental and emotional effects it has caused, resulting in me being in a partial hospitalization program for that and a victims of crime mental health program for years. After being home (I was living with my parents at the time 18yo) my own father took me on a drive to ask me why I wasnt over the situation yet. WHEN MY BODY WAS LITERALLY CREATING BLACK SLUDGE FROM AN INFECTION AND TEARS FROM THESE MEN HARMING ME FROM ONE OF THE MOST SENSITIVE AND LIFE CREATING PLACES I HAVE.

I was told that I lost value in another man putting his hands on me in ways I did not want and did not ask for. And what happened to those men? Practically nothing. To tell us to seek justice in court and when we do the argument arises, “What were you wearing?” “Did you send mixed signals?” Were you asking for it?” “How short was your skirt?” “Why wasnt your boyfriend there?”

NEWS FLASH ASSHOLE. IT DOES NOT MATTER. IF YOU GOT OUT ONE NIGHT WITH THE BOYS ARE YOU JUST ASKING TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE? NO? THEN WHY DID YOU WEAR A RED SHIRT. YOU KNOW THAT IS A COLOR OF AGGRESSION. WHY DID YOU GO TO BAR? YOU KNOW THOSE ARENT SAFE! WHY DID YOU LOOK IN HIS GENERAL DIRECTION? YOU KNOW HE WANTED TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. YOU PRACTICALLY WALKED OVER THERE YOURSELF AND PUT HIS FIST AGAINST YOUR FACE AT THAT POINT, RIGHT?

Do you not see how ridiculous it sounds? And you arent just doing this to women, it’s poc and the homeless population. Anyone who isnt yourself because it “doesn’t effect you”. You keeping silent and deafened is part of the problem. A bigger problem than them doing it. Because you’re choosing not to hear us cry for help. Your dream of a happy neighborhood, a house there, a wife and kids, if you dont make the world a better place for that and hear the cries of your own people, that’ll never happen. Do you realize that?

Having a daughter who has a high probability is going to be assaulted. The cost of living rising and forcing people on the street. Wages not matching that rise. No one can afford to live anymore. No one can afford safety and security

So please, kindly wake the fuck up. WAKE UP. This is not an us problem it’s OUR PROBLEM.