I feel as though the relationship I've had with one of my now previously close friends is beyond repair and it's without any vindictiveness or strong emotion behind it. Just a numb acknowledgement.

They have had a habit of throwing me, my feelings and my boundaries under the bus when it's been convinient for them or when they are feeling something strong for a long time. They are always sorry after the fact and I've been very good at making excuses for them.

But a last month's been an absolute shitshow of which they are responsible for about 70 percent. I think the damm inside me broke completely when I'd told them I needed a calm quiet evening after having just heard that one of my oldest friend's dad had been in an accident and hovvered between life and death. Which they acknowledged but then proceeded to have a row for 4 hours loudly with their partner who was visiting. Then the police came to check on us.

I think my friend thinks that the police thing is what broke something in me but it really had already happened before that.

After they for back from traveling (they traveled next morning) they came to me and apologized for all the grief they had caused me.

And.

I just can't bring myself to accept that apology heartfelt though it was.

I don't think there is any grand gesture they could do that would tally up against all this. I think the only thing that would make me want to be close with them again would be to see that they have changed their behaviour. And I don't think I will see that.

I don't know if I need anything more than to just write this out.