My meds mellow me out.

I just want to get this off my chest and, idk, maybe somebody else could relate to my situation.

I've been diagnosed with a mood disorder for almost 5 years now: I'm easily distracted and I'm prone to hypomanic and depressive episodes which sometimes lead to anxiety attacks and prolonged depressed states. Of course, this is sans medication. That said, my hypomanic episodes can sometimes be perceived as moments of hyperactivity, and be seen as my entire personality; I forgot to mention that I cycle through emotions rapidly, and this can be overwhelming for me.

Ever since (Whenever I am) on my meds for prolonged periods of time, I reach a point of "balance" where I don't cycle through my emotions, and instead of waves of anxiety and depression, they just lap at my psyche like gentle waves on the beach. I don't overreact to stimuli anymore and have a sort of "buffered" reaction to everything. As I've said in the title, my meds mellow me out. However, do I treat this as something negative? Have I become an acid-washed version of my previous self? Of course not. I'd rather be mellow and "chill", rather than suffer through cycling emotions, anxiety, and depression. I did not lose my identity just because I am on medication; rather, I am a constantly changing individual, and am the summation of my past, present, and future self. It took some time, but I am at peace with that fact. If you're feeling a similar type of way, may you be at peace with it too.

Thank you, Reddit, for letting me get this off my chest.