Right now I can't tell you what my job is because then you'll hate me too.

Don't get me wrong I'm glad to have a job. I know a lot of people who don't. But I've begun to hate it. Not so much the job per se, even though it has its issues, but mostly how it affects the rest of my life.

I feel so isolated emotionally. People who used to be friends of mine don't speak to me since I started working here. I can't get a date because when they ask what I do for a living and I tell them I get instantly ghosted. People see me as my job and there is so much more to me than that.

Whenever my family asks me how work is going I just tell them it's fine. I don't give them details. I tried that once, but I found out they don't understand the stuff I go through. The only people I can somewhat talk to are other people at my office. And that just isolates me more from the outside world. The friends I do have I barely get to see because of my schedule. And I'm about to be on night shift for the rest of the year so I will probably never see anyone. Even on my days off I still have the same sleep pattern so I will sleep all day and wake up in the afternoon.

I've been doing this for 9 years. Sometimes it feels like 1 year 9 times. Still doing the same job 9 years and that I did on day one. I remember being young and hopeful when I actually like this.

And I know what you're thinking, "if you hate it so much than quit". I can't do that, not right now at least. All of my training and education is for this one job. There are so many other things I want to do, but I don't have the time or money to get trained in anything else.

And then there's the money. This is a steady job with a comfortable paycheck. Not a lot. Just enough so I can stay afloat. If I didn't have the debt I have than maybe I could save up some money.

This is the number one source of my depression. All I want is to live my life my way.