When I was 10, My mother was going through a divorce and I was constantly school hopping, I was suspended constantly and even expelled from a school at one point. When I came to the new school, I use to sit in a seat next to this girl in a purple jacket on the schoolbus.

every trip to and from school we'd sit together and talk about our families, favorite video games and stuff our families did together, her parents were going through a divorce aswell and I think it made her feel better knowing she wasnt alone. I did everything in my power not to miss days at school because she'd cry, run up and hug me when I came back, I couldnt understand why she was so upset at the time.

We'd show our cool toys we smuggled into school and often shared candies.

She was weird, she knew things that an average kid wouldnt know until atleast teenager, like talking about how adults like to feel good, lots of red flags I had no idea were a concern, I was beaten by my father alot and mom told me to tell nobody, so I always assumed it was normal to keep dark secrets

I was weird aswell and it was nice not being alone.

She then began sitting with me at lunch, fake sleeping on the bus to lay on my shoulder or lap.

She'd always give me candy and cards on every holiday, expensive hand picked ones with one of those expensive giant walgreen chocolates

Around valentines day she gave me a big chocolate heart and told me she wanted me to be her valentine, immediately I was repulsed and gave back the candy, I was still in that "girls and feelings are icky" stage

She panicked and gave it back saying "no no! I mean your special to me! We can eat it together!"

She was upset and crying, I gave her a hug, she calmed down and we talked like normal while eating the giant chocolate.

About a month later the divorce came to a head and my mom got kicked out with me, I was removed from school early morning suddenly.

I was told I had a few minutes to say my goodbyes and packup

I instead left my poorly hand drawn eraser car to the kid who sat next to me in class and left my favorite home made toys to different people I liked in my classroom

Then I left.

I didnt realize until I thought about when I was 25 during the nightshift at my job how badly I chose.

How I was the thing this little girl looked forward to every day, how she constantly brought candies and cool stuff to coax me to sit with her

How she's sneak from her class seatong order to sit with me at lunch, sneak out of class to sit at library with me

The way she smiled and was so excited to see men when I got on the bus

The way her heart shattered when I declined to be her valentine. The way I would chose guy friends over hanging out with her in recess.

And how much a monster I was for not giving her a proper goodbye and a hug when I left. I can only imagine her waiting at the bus for me and suddenly I didn't show up, that I moved away, how much that must of destroyed her.