So just a quick back story, I am a bisexual male (23) and during my first year of college, I had a roommate that was a part of our universities baseball team (I'm sure you all can imagine how he would look and why I was so smitten lol) and before the year was up I admitted to having feelings for him although, I pushed that way down because I wanted to remain friends. Through the years as I got closer to graduation, so did Gabe and I. During my Junior year, I took him to one of my GF's parties and we drank a bit too much potion to where my helping him (while he was vomiting) subsequently result in his fist colliding with my face. Clearly, a red flag, and I should've stopped talking to him although, we remain thick as thieves.

So, two months before my senior year, I lived with him in his apartment and after another night of not-so-sober fun we started playing truth or dare (a great combination right?) anyways he eventually confessed his feelings for me (which he said he didn't realize until after he punched me) and we ended up entangled that night. Everything after that resulted in a fever dream of heartbreak on my end because I fell a bit too hard for him. I don't know how he feels now or how he ever really felt about me, but this was my first heartbreak and I honestly thought I was going to die from the physical pain. Months later I decided to numb my feelings with alcohol and that resulted in many texts but probably most important I wrote a letter to which I thought I was writing to him although after revisiting that letter this year (while drunk) I realized the letter was for me and I was able to finish it. Below is the mix of words that poured out of me. Rereading it now that I'm sober and not hung up on him anymore, I really like it and I decided to keep it. I thought these were pretty cool words strung together and could possibly help someone? if not, then maybe you'll enjoy it? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tell me what ya think? pls, be kind tho.

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I craved your warmth to one day have this

Avoided you, but still, I flirt

You didn’t know I couldn’t resist

I fought shy of that baseball shirt

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I hate that I fell for you

I hate that I especially didn’t know

I hate the things you do, But most of all

I hate you refused, to love me too

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I don't want it to be true

But I still dream about you

I know all those four letters in that one word

But those three syllables, are just absurd

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I love myself now, more than you’ll know

I love that for a split second I had you

I love that I learned my own value, but most of all

I love that you’re happy, even if I don’t have you

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I think it’s time to finally move on

Accepted that I’m compelled for more

There is no time to decide who won

I think I’m no longer clinging on anymore