in 2019 I met someone who I was really looking forward to working with. I knew of this woman over a year before I met her and since we met, I have been obsessed. probably began as an infatuation but soon become more than that. I was thinking about her for the majority of the day, making up conversations in my head, looking at her facebook photos, texting and calling within reason, slightly outside of reason but bot enough to lead to problems within our professional relationship. I knew she was married but I still had this desire to be with her and strong lustful feelings.

Soon after I made a photo collection that I still have on my phone. I would take screenshots and videos of her on zoom meetings and keep my favorite facebook photos of her on my phone for quick acess. I would record our in person conversations just so i could listen to her later on. I really just love the sound of her voice. I used to try to get her attention and place me self in her vicinity to get a glimpse of her. Sometimes she was busy but other times we would have a 10-15 conversation that day. I went home that day with a smile on my face. I purposely created work so i’d have a reason to meet with her. The long 2-4 hour meetings were my favorite! The obsessions started getting bad when I had the desire to video record her in person (not online) without her knowledge. I know that placing camera around would’ve been illegal. so i found creative ways to record her without her knowing. I feel sick saying this part but I this is really what i want to get off my chest. At the end of the day i would pull her trash and go through her trash. I would collect things that had “her” on it. like forks, bottles, chewed gum, old masks. I wouldn’t use these things/ reaches the gum but I kept them near me so I could feel closer to her. this was last year but i can’t get myself to throw the collection away. Whenever i look at them i feel close to her. I stopped digging through her trash, because our schedules have changed but idk if i still would be doing that if i had the chance! Now that it is one year later and i am watching these videos i feel creepy? is this weird?

I’m so attracted to her and i know she’s married but for some reason my mind can’t stop these feelings and we work together. I am sure that she doesn’t not know because if she did, she would be avoiding me. I can’t stop recording and taking pictures of her because she is so beautiful. The fear of getting caught has made me more skillful in getting pictures of her without her knowing for past 1 year. In my mind this okay because the saying “take a picture it lasts longer“. But it’s my mind that is crazy. The sexual feelings I have for her are extreme. She is all i think about everyday and when i am having sex with other girls i wish it were her. I envy her husband and feel this is healthy.