My teaching job didn’t renew me, despite me working my ass off every week to make the best lessons and learning experience I can. I’ve applied to 20 jobs, and only 1 has followed up with me. I’m scared to death that I won’t be able to teach, and that would crush my soul because I know that teaching is what I’m meant to do. My mom just tells me to suck it up and keep my head down, and constantly invalidates me. Most recently she cringed when she saw me in work clothes because they’re “too tight”. So I feel like shit about my body despite regularly working out. The only person who sort of values me is my girlfriend, but even she is tired of listening to me express that I’m not doing well. She’s started telling me that she doesn’t have the emotional space to listen, and throws herself into law school work. She’s started texting a married guy in her class and was so absorbed in their convo over the weekend that she literally had no idea what I was saying. So as the semester winds down, there’s gonna be another 3-4 more weeks of her being emotionally unavailable. She cancelled plans we had with some friends for her birthday coming up, and is gonna instead hang out with her boss who’s coming in from LA. Who my girlfriend has told me wants to fuck her in the past. My Talkspace therapist hasn’t even opened my messages.

Tl;dr I feel like I’m coming part at the seams and everyone else is fine with it