Like, I hear those stories about how someone's kid/parent/etc just up and disappeared and I was always jdugmental about it and thought, "how could someone do that?!" And yet here I am, putting my kids to bed, dealing with some massive drama that occurred before, and I'm just like, yeah, I could just disappear. I could make a living in some other state, hell go by a different name, never speak to anyone in know ever again and just start completely fresh. Choose new relationships to build and never tolerate bullshit from anyone because now I have no obligation to. Like, goddamn that sounds nice. I've never been suicidal, and I'm a gernally happy person, turns out I just have poor conflict tolerance and just want all my relationships to end so I don't have to deal with ANY ONE.

But in the end, I know I'll never do it. I honestly love and care about my kids FAR too much to ever abandon them, at least. I brought them. Into this obscene world, so I've got to at least stick it out for them.

And I know I will get through all this chaos, but fuck. I want to run away from it all and never look back.