TL;DR - life sucks.. need friends, relationship etc ..

I don’t know where to start so this might be all be confusing

From conservative family/culture, I have pretty much been alone or that’s the way I feel. Few friends here and there but not close friends.. I do have one close friend who I can share stuff with but I don’t know.. anyway I do have a big extended family but they never bothered involving me and when I was young I didn’t really think about that stuff.. ie going out etc.

So I got married thinking I was doing the right thing but I wasn’t cuz I am f’in gay but being religious person I thought somehow it would sort this out, so on that front it hasn’t helped…

I do occasionally play online games with people whom I met through meet-up but again dont consider them to be friends just acquaintance..

So pretty much I feel alone and while I have seen kind strangers comments on other such posts I am not sure how that would help me.

I just wanna move away but I have some family obligation and we just don’t up and leave.. but this is making me crazy and angry and I feel like smashing things, shouting or whatever to let the steam off but there is no where I can go to be alone which is kinda funny…

Basically I don’t know who to turn to and again even if there was someone this mess I have put myself in, no one can get me out of this…