Most people close to me think that I’m retiring, and they don’t know that I just have had enough. It was a complete surprise to the Department, and a shock to my family. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I started my career as a police officer about 15 years ago. I was so excited to help people, and to keep people safe. I worked for a large police department with a great record of community involvement, and with very progressive policies. I felt like it would be a good fit.

I excelled in the profession and after a few years was promoted to Detective. I worked in Major Crimes, investigating violent crimes. I eventually specialized in crimes against children and joined a Federal task force. I’ve gone all over the US investigating child predators and felt satisfaction that I was doing the right thing. I also became certified in training law enforcement in Implicit Bias recognition, and ensuring that everyone was treated fairly.

The problem started when several years ago, I observed an officer get into an argument with a suspect in handcuffs. It escalated when the suspect said something about the officer’s wife, and the suspect was thrown to the ground. The officer jumped on top of the suspect and began punching him in the face while he was handcuffed. I intervened and stopped the officer, and then reported what happened. I gave a full statement under oath of exactly what happened. Instead of being fired, the officer was allowed to resign, and he wasn’t charged. I knew I did the right thing, but always felt it was mishandled.

From there, problems started. The supervisors started nitpicking everything I did. I was denied promotions, despite having an absolutely stellar record. Many other officers refused to work with me since I reported what happened. I was transferred to a position that limited me in using my abilities. And as things arose in the news over the past few years about bad policing, I noticed a change in how the rank and file did their jobs and interacted with the public. There was an overwhelming sense that police weren’t appreciated, and that set up officers for negative interactions because they’d show up just waiting for someone to start filming and calling them pigs, etc. mind you, this rarely happened. But from the times it did happen, it created an “us vs them” mentality. Morale dropped and the Department I worked for, which never had an issue with recruitment, started being understaffed. This created an issue where those that usually wouldn’t make it in the hiring process would be hired. Then, they’d be pushed through the 18 month training process, and then would end up interacting with the public. This led to more “viral” issues because of “contempt of cop”, and then slowly the Department started losing credibility in the community.

The final straw for me happened earlier this year. When the Capitol insurrection happened, I was shocked at how many apologists there were who defended the actions of the mob there. Politically, if you weren’t conservative you were a cop-hater. Having always been left of center, I’d insert my opinion in conversations based on facts. Then it’d get shut down that I was addicted to the “fake news” of NPR and CNN. I was even reported once for “hurting morale” and was lectured about talking politics, even though everyone else did and my views were different than theirs.

Just after this, there were a couple of police shootings in the news and officers were either fired or charged. I watched the body cam videos that were released, and the decision to charge it fire the officers were completely justified. Everyone else around me tried to shoehorn excuses for the officers, which was directly against all sanctioned training. Then, the Chauvin trial verdict came. Suddenly, from so many decision makers on the Department, he was some type of martyr. Having been a Tactical Controls instructor myself, I knew that his actions were in direct violation of all standard policies for the past 25 years. Still, people wanted to justify it in some way that made the police martyrs who were publicly crucified for their bad decisions.

The day I submitted my resignation, I was called into my division’s captain’s office. The Captain brought up a recent conversation I had while training new recruits in basic tactical controls. I made it a point when talking about restraints to point out how Chauvin’s tactics were exactly what we were trying to avoid when restraining. One of the recruits filed a complaint saying I was “promoting liberal politics” in training. I explained my position to the Captain, who listened to what I said and then replied,

“Andy, you need to choose what side you’re on. Either the police, or the media.”

All of the work I’ve done for the last 15 years, all of the pedophiles and murders I’ve caught, all of the lives I’ve saved including officers, was reduced to an us vs. them mentality. I was disgusted, and walked back to my office. I typed up my resignation and returned 20 minutes later and handed it to the Captain.

I’ve forfeited my full retirement since I’m not staying for the full 20 required to collect it. I don’t know what I’m doing next, but I know that I couldn’t take one more minute in that environment. I began my career to help people, and now the mission is to “preserve the profession” instead of serve the public.

I haven’t told anyone the real reason I’ve quit, because I don’t want to get caught up in debates about the merit of my decision. All I know is that I’m free. I’m half-heartbroken, and half-relieved. The only way I’d work with law enforcement again is if I could start some type of training firm that focused on the best implicit bias training, and the safest tactics. I’m just not sure there’s an appetite for that among police these days.

Anyway, I can’t get this off my chest anywhere else, so I’ve done it here. Sorry for the rant, but there are few that I can actually explain this to without causing a shit storm. Thanks for listening. And sorry for any grammar errors, I didn’t check it before I posted.