Sorry this is kinda long, I just have no one to talk to and I feel the emotions bubbling over. So about two years ago (Spring 2019) I met this guy studying abroad and we became good friends. We started sleeping together when we met but it never turned into anything else. Once we came back we stayed in touch, texting every other day and hanging out pretty often. After a few months he got a girlfriend (Fall 2019) and he basically disappeared from my life. He would always respond if I texted him, which was only like maybe three times, and he’d entertain my flirting but never actually came to see me. About ten months went by (Fall 2020) before I saw him again and it was only to have sex. He told me he and his gf had broken up but it turns out they had just been on a break. After that he got back together with his girlfriend until she cheated a month in and it ended pretty bad. About two months after the breakup we started talking again and hooked up and I thought maybe things would go back to normal. He asked to come by one night but he flaked and I got pretty pissed so I ignored him for a few months. A few months ago (March 2021) we started casually messaging but not very often and last week he came by to see me. It had been six months since I had last seen him. We got some food and talked and ended up hooking up again. I wasn’t planning on doing that and was under the impression he was just coming to hangout or something. It just feels like I’m being used now. Like we’re not even friends with benefits, just benefits. He’s not someone I feel like I can just text randomly or ask to go somewhere with or share anything personal. When he came by he did tell me about his first relationship/marriage and how his most recent ex cheated on him, but I feel like he only shares things with me because he knows if I feel like we’re friends then I’ll say yes to sleeping with him. I almost feel like he just wants me to let go already and just move on but I don’t know how. I don’t have any friends or connections in my life. I do actually like him as a person but it doesn’t feel like he’s my friend anymore just someone who knows what to say and do to get me to sleep with him. He was really affectionate and touchy the whole day (rubbing my back, cuddling, playing with my hair, kissing my face) which always sends me really mixed signals but I’m starting to feel like it’s just his way of getting me to say yes since i’m sometimes hesitant. The worst part is the wondering that follows. I never know when the next time I’ll speak to him is, or when/if I’ll ever see him again. I just feel like he’s such an important part of my life and I’m just some easy/low maintenance lay on the sideline of his life. Like he just has to text me and spend a few hours chatting with me and he gets laid and the cycle repeats every few months. I’ve tried just cold turkey cutting him off but I just can’t. Partly because he’s part of really special memories for me but also because I don’t have any other people in my life. All I do is spend my time thinking about him and wondering when I’ll see him next and if maybe he’ll feel differently about me then. I know most of this seems sad and stupid, these feelings have just been making me feel terrible since I last saw him and I have no one to confide in. Please feel free to share a similar experience or any advice you have.