You make me sound like such an asshole. All I wanted was to spend time with you, but YOU always made up excuses. I’d say “let’s go to the drive in. Let’s spend the day watching tv, let’s set up the projector outside” you always said no. That you wanted to bake. Now you make it sound like I never wanted to spend time with you. You make it sounds like I’d rather spend time with my friends than you. But I literally begged you to spend time with me, before you pushed me out the door to play with discord friends. While you stay in other kitchen and bake. You said you’d bake for me. But I never even got to try the things you baked. You gave it all away to other people.

I just wanted to be with you. I was starved for your attention. I had to beg you to touch me. Just for a back rubbed I had to work up so much courage to ask you, and you would always. ALWAYS just sigh and roll your eyes.

You say that you tried to make me feel loved. How? I would literally tell you what I wanted from you. And you would never give it to me. You’d just say “sorry” and go back to doing the same old same old. If you asked me to change though. I’d listen and change for you.

You said you wanted to stop smoking weed. I stopped. You said you didn’t want to live up north. I moved back in to town. You complained about the way I proposed to you to all your family and friends. So I re did the proposal. I gave you the one you dreamed of. All I wanted was for you to go through with it. But you called off the wedding. You said marriage wasn’t for you.

I tried to accept that. But you started to drift away. And I needed some form of commitment. Something that shows me that I’m not a placeholder in your life. That’s all I wanted from you, and what did you do instead when I brought these feelings up to you?

You broke up with me. So I got it. My fears confirmed. I was easily packed away. And gone from your life. And then you have the audacity, the nerve to say and act like I hate you? That I caused this?

What kinda of bullshit Is that? I love you. I STILL love you. I stupidly look out the window everyday. Waiting for you come here an rescue me from this nightmare. Everyday I pine for you. I mean last week you said you wanted me back and I jumped on that opportunity and said ok. Only for you to say “just not right now” and again I was crushed by you.

I love you. I want you back in my arms. Why do you make it sound like I hate you and want you dead? I want the opposite. Please. Be safe and be good to yourself, but also please stop blaming me for everything. Please take some responsibility for how you acted and treated me. Please stop acting like you didn’t openly show resent me to me in front of your parents. Just please. Stop gaslighting me.