I am a 23 years old, i have “friends” and “family” but all my life i felt like i am not anyone’s favorite or even one of the closest people to someone, even my family, my dad always picks my sister first at everything, i always feel that i am not good enough according to him “even tho i have a bachelor degree in computer science and have a good job” , anything i do is either a bad thing or just a normal thing nothing special, my mom is like any other mother loving and caring but all i get from her is that she is doing all of that because she “have to” rather than she “wants to”, don’t take it wrong, my family is very supportive and loving specially during my “OCD” rough times, its just i can see it in their eyes, the pity and sadness of having someone like me. As for my friends, i was never a first choice in anyone’s life, all my life i am that one friend who is in the circle and friend group but is the least favorite by everyone, if i came to the party no one is annoyed and if I didn’t no one cares, any suggestions that i make is neglected and literally if anyone suggest the exact same thing in the exact same way its the hype and everyone is interested, if I disappeared for days literally no one asks or even get curious of where i went” this actually happened during one of my ocd phases where i needed to get away from everything for 3 weeks and didn’t tell anyone and to my surprise when i got back to my phone all i had is messages from common groups and nothing about me and no one even noticed”, whenever i send a message to anyone they take ages to respond” no matter who i send it to or when or the topic” unless i am helping them my message is the least priority, taking anywhere between 5 hrs to days to respond to me. I am not an introvert and i am not saying that all my life is bad and crying, i am glad to have a supportive family “even tho its not genuine” but at least its something and i am grateful for having people i can call friends, its just i can see it in their eyes and the way they talk and treat me, its either pity or not even caring to react to me, i feel that i am always available when someone needs something but no one cares about me, i am not saying this but I really mean it: “ i will sacrifice my life to save anyone of them” I truly love them, i know i am not always a good person and i am not exactly a mr perfect but according to them and i am not exaggerating “ he is loyal, confident, smart, funny, trustworthy, understanding and interesting friend to have” and most of them behind my back say that i am genuinely a good friend and I don’t have “big flaws or deal breakers” so I don’t know why i am that lonely, all i want is to feel that i at least have someone close. I really want to believe its all in my head and a part of my ocd but all the situations only proves my point that i am not anyone’s favorite.