I'm a 37 year old balding gay guy with fucked up teeth. I make $800/month on disability. I can't find a job. I don't have a car. I'm staying in my friend's basement, and they think I'm a crazy lazy asshole. I woke up and found my boyfriend dead last year. Most of my old friends are dead. My family hates me. It would be better if I were dead. I have borderline personality disorder, schizoaffective disorder, PTSD, ADHD, and chronic pain. Life is a nightmare. Religion doesn't work for me. I think if there is a god (I've studied theology for years and have had supernatural experiences), they are against me. I don't want to exist anymore. At all. I just don't know of a good way to kill myself. I tried overdosing and it doesn't work. I've been in and out of psych wards and rehabs for a long time, and they only help temporarily if at all. I don't know what else to do. I wish I could afford to go somewhere euthanasia is legal.