If this isn't right for this sub I'm sorry but I kinda need someone to see this and help.

So I'm 18, yes that's young but I'm suffering for some serious self esteem issues. My life is the best it's ever been but there is still one gap that hits me hard. And that's the fact that I'm a virgin and can't find a gf.

Tonight has reached a pinical of this issue. So I finally asked a girl to if she was interested in me and she said she had given it some thought but another guy who she has know for a while longer then me who had just revealed he was interested in her. In short I was told I was second on the list.

I have no issue with her and never will, I'm not so shallow to believe a girl owes be a relationship. It I can't help but have this feeling that I'm good but there is always someone better or I'm just not good enough. Which can lead to a whole heap of toxic thoughts such as nice guys or incels. Which only makes me hate those people even more not just for them behaving in a utterly distasteful manner but for there scary ability to drag people into there negative mindset.

Long story short I'm afraid of becoming something I hate and blaming other people because of my own short coming.