I miss you Kathryn. But you're just not the same anymore. You're personality made me want to spend the rest of my life with you. You were the sweetest, funniest, sarcastic, dorky, anxious, cute girlfriend that any person could dream of having. I was your first boyfriend and you were my first girlfriend. And we were in love. But it all was changing when you started making new friends. You were becoming more popular, less shy, left your old friends, and you absolutely have into the attention you were getting. And it changed you. You started going out with your friends more, because of me. I started getting jealous and bitter, and I'm so fucking sorry really. I made you feel like absolute shit, the person that meant the world to you made you feel that way and I'm so damn sorry. It felt like my entire life fucking fell apart when i saw scars on your arm. I knew what they were from but yoi ddidnt want me to know. The anxiety of you cutting yourself in a relationship with me destroyed me so fcukung much i cut myself out of sheer guilt because of it. More then more and then more. I hate it so much that im the reason you did that, i hate it so fucking much.Then we broke up. I forced myself to break up with you because I pushed the thought that you couldn't be happy with me, I was a terrible fucking boyfriend. And how I was never enough for you, you thought I was using you for other things I thought it was the best for you. I thought I was in the right. You were also alwys hanging out with other friends, it felt like we werent prioritizing eachother But I was wrong. You only did that because i never prioritized you. And im so fucking sorry. But it was my depression, it was so hard thay there would be days were i wouldnt want to talk to anyone, and i wish younever had to deal with that. Truly. I should've figured out how to love or accept myself before I loved anyone else. But 5 days later when we broke up I had perhaps one of the happiest moments in my entire life. And in that moment I felt like I was on top of the world. And it made me want to date you again. It felt like everything was going right in my life, and it only felt right to have you in it. So I did. But nothing changed. I didn't change anything about myself for us to be happy and I realize that I truly do. We broke up again because of me and I would do anything in the fucking world to go back and change that. I was so stupid and full of myself I regret so fucking much you have no idea. I felt so confident I did what was right and told myself not to look back. I ignored everything and anything you tried telling me, wanting to get back together, i played with your anxiety I know and again I can't stress this enough how fucking sorry I am for doing that. I was so fucking stupid, people do things when they're upset that that undo. But in 2 weeks time I was the one wanting everything back. I took you for granted and holy shit I'm so fucking sorry that I did that. I really am I truly am. Out of everything I think that that was the worst thing I could have and did do to you and it makes me feel absolutely terrible when I look back. You skipped a fucking grade for me, just so we could in the same grade. But in that time you moved on. You realized that you couldn't wait forever for someone like me, when there were so many other people who would treat you and care for you so much better. And it fucking sucked that you dated my best friend because he was just there for you. It took me so long. To get over you. I've never dated anyone since. But looking at you now truly saddens me. You act like a basic white girl now. You changed you clothing style, you wear so much makeup, you act and talk differently, you do fucking weed, have shit grades, and have dated about 8 other guys since me. And there isn't a week that goes by where I think to myself that I am the reason you are where you are. You have changed so much I can't be friends with you. It doesn't feel right whenever I'm near you or talk to you. And even one and a half year later, after all of that, you still want to be friends. And I still don't get why. But there still isn't a week that goes by, where I absolutely regret all the terrible, shitty things I did to you. I truly, deep down apologize for it all.