Bear with me because most of this will sound like I am trying to make it up, but I truly need help understanding what this is.

This morning I woke up from a dream where I killed my father. It was probably the worst dream I ever had. I don't particularly like my dad but the dream was beyond my dislike, it was a deep hate. And it reminded me how I have always had some sort of violent, destructive, antagonistic force down inside of me that I usually suppress so much it doesn't affect me. I really want to be a good person. But there is a part of me that always wants to be the person opposing what is good and righteous for the sake of.. I don't know. Just because it needs to be that way.

I have realized that often I derived pleasure from destroying things and seeing people react. And also from people being ashamed of their actions. I find some sort of strange appreciation for those that destroy because they balance the status quo.

God I don't what this is. It freaked me out a bit when I thought about it today. I really try to be a regular, good natured person and doing that makes me feel good.

What I think is the case is that I'm overreacting to this dream, because I swear I've had ones like it. Hopefully someone can tell me that it isn't uncommon to have some part of them that wishes to be the antagonist. I just want to be told this is me reading in to much and just forget about it and just strive to do what is good for everyone. Thank you.