Nuna, It's been a little more than two years since we last spoke.

The last time you reached out to me, you texted me "who am I?"

You are my sister not only that, you were my older sister. You were my teacher, my best friend, my defender, my playmate, my comedian, my cohort, my bully, my rock, my little part of home I can go to ever since the folks moved far away.

But you are toxic. You are manipulative. You use the word family as a tool for guilt. And I cut you out. Not to teach you a lesson... But as a necessity to live my own life as I want.

When I was younger, not married and had the folks support me, I had all the free time, travel expense and lack of responsibility to come visit every other week. I enjoyed driving down 2 hours via 5 to come see you, your husband and my favorite dog.

When I met my wife, I had to support myself. I grew up. I had to pay bills, I was supporting my wife. My responsibilities changed. I had a shitty paying job and living paycheck to paycheck. I even moved and now the commute from my place to yours extended to past 3 hours.

I could not visit you as often as you liked. I know this from endless messages planning when we should next meet. It wasn't really planning, you always demanded we visit. My wife stayed quiet, she wanted to get along and play nice. I enabled you to control what we can do on our free time.

There was a moment when I was working graveyard shifts and my wife was working full time and going to school. Our relationship was rocky then. We barely saw each other and when we had a chance of a day off, we would be too tired or cranky to do anything. So I planned a day months in advanced to see a concert. The show happened to be near where you lived this was a weekend for my wife and I.

Of course you saw something on fb and you messaged me. You said so many hurtful things. I was a piece of shit, selfish brat for not even thinking about stopping by. My wife saw the texts and messages. She cried in the hotel room asking what is going on. We did our best to enjoy the weekend away. But you ruined it. That's the truth.

We stopped by after the show and everything seemed fine. But you labeled us as selfish for the whole thing.

When my wife reached out a few months later to explain you said it was irrelevant, you said it was only our business and not yours. You cut her out of the situation by saying it was between me and her only and she was holding me to the family's expectations.

Who the fuck do you think you are? Who put you on that fucking throne? How dare you speak to my wife like she isn't part of anything in the family? How the fuck did you think it was going to play out when I get a call from my wife in tears about the fucked up shit you said to her?

You knew you messed up. I have always been the quiet little brother. Always listening and taking in the verbal abuse you threw at me. But you don't fucking talk to my wife like she is an outsider. I was done with all this controlling bullshit. I broke the dams and unleashed years of pent up anger and frustration towards your skewed views on what family SHOULD be doing/acting.

You cried. You were the strongest woman I have ever seen. You only cried when something fucked up happens. I made you cry. I made my older sister cry. As much anger was running through me, my heart broke at the same time. I hung up.

You left me a message pleading that you didnt want to end up like our father and his siblings. I cried listening to it. I needed a day to cool down.

Then you messaged my wife.

You brought up things like she didn't understand the concept of family since her dad walked out on her. You said things that I was a better uncle to her dog than to my newly born nephew. You crossed so many lines. It was sad reading how much you were clawing to get at us.

For what?

For me to visit you more often? Is that what you were aiming for?

Are you surprised I cut you out? Are you surprised that mom and dad told you to chill out, apologize on behalf of you every single fucking time they see my wife?

You were my older sister. The one who always did the right thing in the end. But you haven't even fucking tried to fix any of this. Not a fucking word.

Instead. I get a fucking text in the usual dramatic manner how you always do to start shit:

"Who am I?"

You were my older sister. The one I know now, isn't.