I think I'm becoming crazy, and it's causing trust issues with my wife.

We've been together for about 6 years, and married for 4. We've had our issues, like anyone else would, but nothing too horrible.

However, as can happen at times, we grew apart slightly over the past couple of years. A good bit of it had to do with me being inattentive or not present enough. I didn't spend enough time telling her how important she was to me, or how beautiful I thought she was, and pretty much just taking her for granted.

Fast for a couple of years, and I'm trying desperately to fix our relationship, now that I realize that I was not the victim, so much as the cause of most of this.

It's beginning to seem that I've been battling anxiety and depression for a while, and was spreading I hurt to the people around me without realizing it.

She, for the most part, has fallen out of love with me. I can't say that she's unjustified in this, because I wasn't treating her very well, and wasn't really around to love. I didn't cheat on her or anything like that, and I've always been physically present, just not always mentally.

Now that I find myself trying to do everything perfectly, and be husband and father I should have been all along, my anxiety is only getting worse.

I now frequently battle self esteem issues, and my mind wanders to her trying to find someone better, or different. it's left me constantly checking Facebook, and being anxious whenever she's using her phone, though I know in the back of my mind, and in my heart, that she is doing normal everyday things, and not being unfaithful. I have also, unfortunately betrayed her trust by looking at her email and other things. I have been upfront with her after it happened, but don't understand why I can't control myself. I really don't have any issues trusting her, so I don't understand why I keep looking for reassurance.

It's starting to hurt her, and have a very serious effect on our relationship. I'm trying so hard to make things right, but I am continually making that less and less of an option.

I have deactivated my facebook, and tried to remove myself from most social networking activities, so I can stop stressing, and let her be her.

I'm honestly extremely lucky that she's even still here, but I'm becoming more and more anxious because I'm giving her so few reasons to want to stay. She is an absolutely wonderful woman, stunningly gorgeous, a great wife, a fantastic mother, good at her job, and everything I could have ever hoped for in a partner. why my brain is allowing me to do this, is so far beyond me.

It's a vicious cycle, and one I desperately hope to escape with our marriage intact.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist today, in hopes of getting treatment for this anxiety, regularly attending therapy, and probably marriage counseling as well. I think all of these things will help, but I hope the damage done isn't too great for us to recover. I love my wife dearly, and hate that I wasted so much of her time, betrayed her trust, and broken her heart.

I almost feel like I'm a recovering drug addict or alcoholic. I didn't realize what I was doing to the people around me, and now I'm trying to make it right. This is such a strange feeling, but I hope my road to recovery ends in the right place.