I started having sex when I was 18, and back then I was so excited to get into it and just experience sex. I had a high school boyfriend who I loved and lost my virginity to, and when we broke up I had a bunch of crazy sex in college.

I learned that being young and inexperienced in sex makes you a target, and I wish I knew how much more power I had then and didn't feel so self conscious about it. I still got it on with lots of different dudes, and had a great time. Was lucky that I didn't get any diseases, other than the mental damage I got from treating myself and others like pieces of meat. It was really hot.

Now I'm 28, in a long term relationship with a man I love (26) and will probably spend the rest of my life with. Our sex life is ok, but a lot of the time I find myself less willing to do it than I used to. I am more likely to roll over than want to do anything. He's not objectively unattractive; neither of us is a twink or anything like that.

I don't like having sex with him sometimes because its not exciting.

I want to be thrown up against a refrigerator in the heat of the moment. I want to make noise and go at it like wild animals. I want to feel like I'm violently needed and if you don't get me you could die.

I had a boyfriend in college who one time just smacked me during sex. I was so pissed off, but it just made me want him more. I came twice that night.

I want all of this, but you shy away when I try to get more overtly sexual, even though the idea turns you on. I know that you want to treat me with respect and dignity, but sometimes you gotta get dirty to have fun. I don't want to be degraded, I don't want violence.

I want passion.

I don't know how to tell you this, or if you can express your passion how I need you to.

maybe this will get better. It's been two years since we started, and it hasn't happened. I don't know what to do.