I'm a sixteen year old teenager living in Germany. I don't know why I'm writting this but I felt like I need to just write this down.

My life is going down and I don't change anything about it. I'm a shy person and it's hard for me to make friends. But it feels like all the people that know me just don't care about me. If I would die they wouldn't even realise it. Normal people are partying, having fun like a teenager should be having fun. They make new best friends and get to know new people. Meanwhile I never even had a real best friend just people that I hang out with. What makes this whole thing worse is the fact that girls are just ignoring me. Like I don't exist. Every other guy in my school is talking with them and laughing, getting their first girl friends. I just sit there and everytime I say something everyone just ignores it.

I would like to do so many things. But I don't and I don't know why. Life is running past me and I'm slowly dying on the inside. But I don't change it. And I don't know if it's laziness, fear or something else. It is just happening. I feel like I'm imprisoned in the city. Completely free to do anything I want but controlled by the society at the same time.

I have good grades in school but that is already everything I'm good at. Everything I do someone does better. Everything I want to do can't be started by me. The teachers have proposed me to the german school academy. But instead of other people congratulating me, they say, they wouldn't go there because it is in the holiday or because it cost money. Everything I accomplish is worthless for other people. But I want to be part of the society, too, yet I don't know how. Im failing at living and I'm not changing it.

This got longer than it was intended to be and probably most of you won't read it since it has no structure and shitty grammar. But I just had to write it somewhere down. Maybe I will look back in some years and laugh at it. If I will still be able to life and not already insane.