Until friday, I was sort of happy. I felt in control of my life. Friday came and I had to see her, as my group of friends is her group of friends.

It was very painful. Even though I was the one I broke it (twice!), I sometimes miss her. And seeing her Friday made me both angry and sad ( I don't even know what this emotion is).

The worst thing is that I AM MY ENEMY. I broke her heart twice, I do not know why I am reacting this way. I am the heartless monster in a certain way. I tried everything but it didn't work, but it still broke her heart.

Its been 3 days and I still cannot find rest. I just want to feel loved and love back. I wanted to make her happy and be happy with her. Unfortunately, it can never be. I wish her all the best in her future, but I'm going to die the moment I see her with another guy.

But I have to soldier on, grow some balls and take the pain like a man. I want to cry but my ego is not letting me. I am a prisoner in my own self. I just hope the pain goes away soon.