I really need to get this off my chest and I can't talk to anyone except my immediate family about this. Warning this is a wall of text so you can read the TL;DR at the bottom if you don't feel like it. My father is an alcoholic who is drinking away his mental illness. Alcoholism isn't something that happens over night, and this has been going on for years.

All of this started at the end of 2006, when my Grandmother died, my Father's last surviving parent died. I was rather young at the time, but old enough to notice that something seriously wasn't right. I knew he needed time to grieve, but this continued into excess. It started more calmly with drinking on Friday nights and getting drunk to critical levels it is today.

I could go on and go far past the limit, but I won't bore you with some stories about his drinking that isn't relevant to what I am trying say, but point being there are a lot of infamous stories about his drinking.

My Dad's drinking has gotten to the point where it has caused him to go off work on leave for getting caught drinking in the workplace. He is very mentally ill, which causes his drinking so there is a lot going on that isn't just his drinking problem. He has been seeing psychologists for the last few years, but it hasn't been helping. I am 99% sure he isn't taking advantage of his psychological help being he is a stubborn man. He believes that seeking help is a sign of weakness and doesn't like to open up.

Just one more important detail, my Dad likes to bike a lot. When his is working he bikes pretty much everyday it's not raining and is warm enough. Not only does he bike to work, but he also likes to bike for fun.

Since my Dad is an avid cyclist, he went out on a ride. He told my brother that he would back in about an hour, and he left at 10:30 a.m. So by the time 11:30 a.m. roles I'm not too concerned about him being gone more than an hour. He often goes out longer than he expects because he doesn't wear a watch.

So I go about my morning and early afternoon without a problem. Now it's 1:00 p.m. and I start to get worried about him because he's been gone for quite some time. I figure I'll call his cellphone just to see where he is, in case he got a flat tire or something. I call his cellphone and I hear it ring over in the next room. I start calling my Mom who is at work busy, I basically let her know my Dad is M.I.A.

The main problem is that we have no way to get in contact with him, and even worse is that we have no idea where he is. He could be anywhere in the city because he didn't let us know where he was going for a ride. I am beyond worried at this point.

So eventually my brother and I go out looking for him. He don't know where to look but we just drive around looking for him. We were out for awhile with no luck. We stopped at the liquor store nearby that my Dad usually buys his fix. I go in and talk to the security guard asking if he had seen someone fitting his description. He wasn't sure if he had, so we left. I had to drive my brother to a dentist appoint for 3:50 p.m so we had to stop our search.

I go home and start trying to any services available to help in my search for finding my Dad. I am beyond worried that he's drunk somewhere and fallen off his bike seriously hurt or he's passed out in a ditch somewhere. I call the local emergency room to see if anyone has checked in a man fitting my father's description or has anyone checked in with my fathers name. No luck. Then I call the local police department calling to see if anyone had picked up my Dad and put him into the drunk tank. I talk to an offer, and have no luck. I ask him if there are any other services I call to see if anyone has seen him. He says he doesn't know of any, but if he doesn't show up in a few hours call the missing persons line.

My brother calls back from the dentist around 5:00 p.m. and my Dad has been gone without a word 10:30 a.m. as I go to the car to drive my brother I see my Dad completely wet (it was raining that day) and struggling to get his bike into the shed. His eyes were glossy and his speech was slurred. I didn't have the time to deal with him because my brother needed a ride.

After picking up my brother, my Dad is still struggling and staggering in my kitchen totally out of it and entirely out of it. He put him to bed and explain everything to my mother when she gets home from work. We find out we went biking on the trail(so there was no way we found find him with our car. He stopped off the trail and went to a different liquor store and bought some rum to drink.

I am so frustrated with this whole situation going on in my family! It's so hard seeing someone you love slowly loss themselves to something and they won't listen to the help you offer them, because ultimately it's up to him. We have tried and tried to give him help but he isn't taking it at all. He's in denial about all of his problems. He says after time he drinks that he will stop/move on and try to do better but it's the same story every time.

I talked to him today she promised changed and how he plans on getting new medication to help him(he's on anxiety medication which is not working because he keeps drinking, which makes him want to drink) which will make him sick if he drinks, but it won't be ready for another couple of days. I'm just so angry with everything and trying to help him but it keeps on drinking. He's a binge drinking only drinking rum straight and chugging it short periods of time to get drunk quickly and he drinks only on weekdays, about 3-4 times a weekday.

When he drinks he can't do anything because he gets really drunk most times. Sometimes he won't drink as much and still be off, but it's apparent he was drinking. I just need to talk about what has been bothering because I can't talk to anyone because this is a family secret. I'm just so annoyed because after all that hell he put us through yesterday he gets drunk again today.

He's been going to free lectures that are meant to help mental health problems since he's been off work. Often he will drink after them, which defeats the process, like today for example. He takes his bike. I argued with him and told me I would drive him because he can't be trusted but he wouldn't listen and went anyways. It was from 4:00-6:30, but calls at 5:50 and tells us that it ended early and he was coming home. Well he doesn't come right away. He isn't coming back we are worried since although the lecture on the fair side to bike he shouldn't be gone that long. My mom calls his cell phone with no answer. He eventually called back around 7:15 and we go and pick him up.

He's a terrible state. Loaded with his bike parked next to him in a parking lot of a store. He's got a bottle of rum next to him and it's empty. We pack up his bike and drive him home. We put him to bed.

This behave is bothering me so much and we keep trying to him, but he won't do anything to help himself. I just needed to write out my frustrations with my alcoholic father's drinking problem because I can't talk about. If you have stayed and read this novel I wrote, then, thank you very much I just needed to get this off my chest.

TL;DR: A story recalling what has happened the past two days about my Dad and his drinking problem which causes him to put himself into dangerous situations by going missing.

Edit: Spelling/grammar