Based on everything I've seen on here, everyone's got a far harsher story to tell, but I just need to put this to bed.

I met someone on here about three and a half years ago. I loved her. She loved me. We were through some wonderful times together, and she stuck with me through some crappy ones. We supported each other. We aided one another. But I had a scratching in the back of my head. Something told me this wouldn't last. Our fights were bad, not physical, but exceptionally draining. They were rare when they happened, but when they did, it was a nuclear powder keg.

Because of her work, and my family situation, it became semi long distance, a state apart. We found multiple ways of transit and means to see each other. One of those years we barely saw one another, as I had my face against a stone trying to keep my job going and myself afloat. There were times during that year that there was guilt thrown my way, and I fought so hard to keep us together. I would try to often to see her, and it would fail. And we would, or if she came to see me, it was so wonderful.

I had always said i wanted her to marry me, that I oved her more than I have anyone. And then one day it clicked in my head. She was experiencing repeated limerence with me. I was always reassuring her always making her feel loved, but it doing so, I didn't realize she was being cycled again and again by me. We got into a bad fight about her coming to see me, she had spent a long time driving, I wanted her to rest, good intentions pave Hell. After her hanging up on me, and not responding to me saying I love you, childish, I know, I went radio silent for a day. I didn't apologize, and that's on me.

I tried to contact her, but she didn't say anything, she was expecting an apology, and instead of apologizing out right, I wanted to talk first. Communication was something that I always championed, and it was that gap that broke us. My failure, I feel . I didn't see her that week, and she told me that I could have stopped by, I had consumed her every thought. She kept deluding herself into thinking I would just show up, her words. I realized I was holding her back. That I was causing her anguish. That loving me was hurting her. She had already made up her mind to break up, and after all the reassuring, after all the trudging I did to make her feel safe and secure and loved, I agreed with her. Had I fought for us again would she have stayed? Maybe. But I knew it would be selfish of me. I wasn't helping her. I was holding her back. She's a brilliant mind and a beautiful soul. And I knew at the end, I was weighing her down.

If she's reading this, I know you told me to never say this word ever again, but I loved you. And I still do love you. I am always rooting for you from a far. Always in your corner, even though you're not mine.

Thank you for reading.