My ex from almost ten years ago appeared in my dream recently. I had not thought of her in a very long time. It's bothered me for over a week now.

It was as if a time machine transported modern me back in time. To about a two years after my ex and I split. We were arguing most likely about the breakup. I loved her very dearly but her mental health problems that she only occasionally addressed were too much to bare for me. For deep down I'm a softie and her disdain during periods of mental instability towards me without warrant was too heavy of a weight for me to carry. So I cut it off, for her benefit and mine. She understood this.

During this conversation she admits that we have a daughter. In appears this beautiful little girl who looks just like a mixture of us. My eyes filled with tears as I kneel down to hug my little girl. My ex explains she hid her pregnancy from me since she knew she didn't want to give her up.

I tell my ex that I'd get back together if that is what she desired. For I did still love her and prior to our split thought of proposing to her. She agrees and tackles me to the ground. Tears and a smile cover her face as our daughter crawls on top of the two of us. All three of us embracing. I had a woman I loved, a daughter to protect and care for. In the moment, I had everything I could want.

At that climactic moment I wake up. Only to be devastated that I do not have a daughter or the woman I once loved to the core of my soul beside me. It's shaken me to the core and I don't understand why now. Why did my mind destroy my peace and leave me feeling more broken?