I want to be able to cry into a woman's arms and feel like she wont forever be put off and disgusted by my weakness. I want to feel like it's okay for me to exist as a man that loves unconditionally and is not aggressive. I want to feel like I can express unattached and unconditional love without forever being relegated to a side character in everyone's story because I'm not selfish enough. I want to honestly worship, care, and love someone unconditionally that deserves that worship and care to some extent, I want to grow together with that person and discover everything about each other, learn about the world, and make our children better versions of ourselves in order to better the world. I want to write love poetry about someone without being thought of as weird, or them just not getting it and not caring.

I JUST FUCKING WANT TO BE APPRECIATED BUT THE MORE I LOVE PEOPLE, THE LESS THEY LOVE ME... and that is a rule I've known my whole life, but the more I try to better someone's life, the more they take advantage of me. I've recently started listening to Jack Johnson and it has sent me down a downward spiral of dangerous feeling lonely emotions, I just started crying for a 30 minutes because I finally went the whole day without and then decided to listen to it. Whenever I listen to Jack Johnson, I always just picture holding someone I love in my arms and saying "I love you" into their ears and then squeezing them harder. The amount of ecstasy that would give me would be nice. That special feeling of purity, pure love, would feel so good to make and then know that someone is happy, and I suppose maybe that is my selfishness, that and my mental paralysis.