It’s been a while since I’ve felt butterflies like this. We’re virtual coworkers but whenever we chat and spend time together, I feel amazing. We’re both in similar work situations (different projects at the same time in the same role), and not only do we offer work support, we’ve also spent time just chatting and connecting. I respect his boundaries and separation of work and personal life. Maybe it’s the mystery I’m fond of, but he’s also incredibly handsome.

But we live hours apart and I know our lifestyles probably vary enough that my infatuation is absolutely one-sided. I also no longer follow traditional relationship models, and very few men I’ve encountered in the everyday these years are cool with it. And I respect it. So I’ll just pretend he rejected me and that’s why I posted here, but can be cool to his face. I’m still going to get dumb butterflies whenever we have 1:1 chats, and because we both value the work we do, pursuing even a long-distance relationship would jeopardize our careers.

Maybe in another lifetime we connected sooner, didn’t have to be virtual, and a million other possibilities. Maybe the butterflies inside could just be butterflies whenever he held my hand or kissed me.

I’ll never be sure. Dear dreamy me, put this limerence away. Come back to reality.

Thanks for hearing me out.