I’m in my 30s and my uncle was my favorite person in the world. He was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He was put into hospice and was given 4 months. He lived in denial for the majority of those months. Eventually he stopped eating, then drinking and then stopped talking altogether. The night he passed, my mom and I went on our weekly visit to see him. He was already in that near death sleep. Mom couldn’t wake him. She suggested I talk to him. I spoke to him and he opened his eyes, looked at me and then closed again. He died within the next two hours. It will be a year in mid November. Since he passed I cried almost weekly. I’m okay most days. And then it will hit me and I just cry. Tears roll down my face like a waterfall. I have never cried or hurt this much over anything. I almost feel like it’s not normal to grieve this much but the loss hurt me tremendously. Biggest lost of my life. I know he’s no longer in pain. But I can’t even talk about him without crying. I wonder if I will ever get to a point where I can. I know as you get older, you experience more death in life. But damn the pain is so wild to me. Certain sad songs that never affected me before, have made my cry after losing him. It definitely comes in waves and I wish I was stronger dealing with it.