I am so hyperactive , it’s a curse. Uncomfortably energetic.

When everyone is asleep, I want company. I want any type of connection and it’s not available. I am bored, anxious, want anyone to understand, and they can’t.

When I feel awake at 11:00 PM the panic sets in, because I know it will be another one of those nights. When my husband and best friends and family are sound asleep and I have no one to turn to I feel so completely abandoned and lonely. I know that’s not the case, but I do. Fear and helplessness and boredom takes over.

This happens a few times per month. When it subsides I sleep for 12 hours straight for a couple days in a row. It affects my work. Schizophrenia runs in my family, could that be it? I’m over 30, I’m not unstable, I’m past that infliction, but I don’t know. ADHD diagnosed. It’s 4:23 AM here and I still can’t sleep. Yesterday was 3:00 AM.

I’m so exhausted of my brain thinking it has to be active 24/7. I’m so tired. Wanting to sleep induces anxiety and fear.