I have had three big events in my life, one of them being my uni graduation. And by three events, I mean bug ceremonies where family was invited to celebrate with me. No one has ever showed to any of them, my parents knew, my siblings too, I invited them all, they decided to go to work. 2 out of the 3 ceremonies were in the evening, one was during the day.

My mom even mentioned that her colleague was taking time off to go to her daughter’s graduation and she still didn’t come to mine.

The other two events I invited them but tried not to put pressure on anybody to show up, I was hoping at least one person would come, we are a family of 8. And the last one, my uni graduation, I begged my mom to come, at least i wanted her to be there. She asked me to ask one of my siblings. I asked my sister, she said she would and then when the time of the graduation got closer, she went on a trip.

I made it a point to actually go, alone. I’m happy I did. I walked up, collect my diploma and sat down, clapped for every person that I didn’t hear anybody clap for.

I would love to say that I came out stronger, but because it’s the third time that I had to celebrate myself on my own so publicly, I feel so defeated. i thought I would get over it, but it has been a year now, and every time I see a graduation video I feel like crying. I do not share any big achievements with my family anymore, I’m so anxious at the idea of being excited for something, sharing it and not being celebrated or cared for. Now I just do things on my own, it’s not easy, every time I get the urge to share something with them I feel like such a burden.

I wasn’t always like this. I hate how I have become.