I adopted my cat around three months ago after having really intense desire to have a pet for years (ever since I moved out of my parents house and wasn't able to be around their dog). I've only ever had dogs and consider myself more of a dog person, but I've always liked cats and as a young person living in an apartment, a cat seemed like a more suitable pet for me. After adopting my cat, I started feeling regret instantly, but I found a lot of people who initially felt the same, so I expected it to pass. Now, I have a cat that has very little interest in doing anything but screaming her head off all day, and I feel like none of this was worth it. I've tried everything to help her relax and to connect with her, but she screams day and night with zero moments of tenderness or connection. It's like I adopted an expensive alarm clock that goes off all hours of the day rather than a pet. She wakes me up nonstop, despite me sleeping with earplugs, a fan, and a noise machine. I'm sleep deprived and exhausted. I do everything I can for her and made sure she's in good health and not in pain. I've poured thousands of dollars into her care and entertainment. She's just...not what I hoped for. She's more standoffish and more vocal than any other cats I've met before.

I really do love my cat. I feel immense love for her in the few moments that she's quietly sleeping, or when she stops meowing because she's eating, or little moments like that. It's just that she makes every other moment tense and unpleasant. I look back on memories of my childhood dog and feel resentful that I don't have a pet that makes me feel comforted. I remember when I was a teenager and I would cry in my room, my dog would lay outside my bedroom door until I let him in and he'd lick my tears and try to snuggle with me. Now, when I need to cry, I'm constantly interrupted by shrill meows and my cat doesn't want to be anywhere near me. I'd be fine with the ambivalence toward me if I could at least relax around her, but I can't.

I know the right choice is probably to find her a new home, because I've tried everything that's within my abilities, and neither of us seem happy. I just can't bring myself to do it. I really do love her, but I just don't think I like having a cat. I feel like an awful person.