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Yeah. Uh, I love her. A lot. which sounds stupid coming from me, a freshman in high school 💀 Anyway, Ive never had many friends or learned how to properly socialize. Its been mostly me and my interests for most my life, which being alone like that I feel has made me get REALLY into my interests, like, an insane amount. This would be fine if it didnt seem to PASS ON TO THE PEOPLE I LIKE TOO?? Literally all I think about is her, pretty much all day, to the point I end up talking to her in my mind sometimes. My feelings become extremely dependent on her too, like, I feel so much happier around her than anyone and anytime else (which is big considering im depressed like all the time) but if she has the wrong tone for even a moment my brain goes haywire and starts thinking she hates me. It feels horrible to think like this especially because 1. Shes not the most emotional person in the world, and doesn’t relate to my mental issues in the same way friends in my past have (which is actually part of the reason I love her so much) and 2. I would never tell her this, because even if she was, i’d hate to make her feel like she has to walk on eggshells around me. I know thats not right. I try not to be like that because I know how draining it can be. But I end up getting into creepy territory occasionally. One time she accidentally left her sweatshirt at my house and I slept with it next to me because it smelled like her (I feel really bad about that one, gave it back though) I also check her socials often, just to see what shes active on so I know what shes doing. I get really jealous when she talks to others, but even moreso when she jokes in the same way she does wirh me. Ive even thought about stealing some small things from her just because theyll remind me of her. Wouldn’t actually do that one though. I know thats going way too far. I would try my best to lose interest and completely get rid of these feelings if there was absolutely 0 chance itd work, but, I know shes into women too, and sometimes, the things she says and does just feel like too much for there to be nothing there.
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