I’m having surgery tomorrow. The surgery has an incredibly low risk rate but there’s still a statistic for risk rates so that means it can happen. After a long time of being uncomfortable and in pain it’s finally happening and I’m sure it will be some relief. The more intrusive thoughts have become much louder lately though in wishing for things to go wrong. I love the people in my life and don’t want them to be hurt but I don’t love or even like myself. I’m tired of struggling just to be “happy”… I’m tired of wearing the mask of happiness and jokester. I’m tired of hearing my parent’s voice in my head telling me I’m a disappointment. I’m tired of never feeling good enough for anyone or anything and the constant imposter syndrome I feel every day. I don’t want anyone that cares about me to be hurt but I don’t want to hurt anymore either.