This is going to be all over the place and read funny, but I am just in utter shock and trying to process. I just needed to get this out and off my chest.

Back Over 5 years ago my husband told me he was having sexual conversations with a bartender and making arrangements to meet up with her and have sex. She found out he was married and flipped out on him.

In 2022- my husband and I decided to explore sexually by occasionally having threesomes or having instances where he would have sex with someone else or I would and we would watch or describe it in great detail to the other. The number 1 rule I set forth when we started that was to have open and honest communication. Which worked very well for awhile honestly. He would often just hand his phone over to me and let me read the messages at the end of the day OR he would come home and say “omg this girl hit on me at the bar”. He was very transparent which made everything fine.

Later in 2022- I caught secret sexual messages that my husband had hidden/never told me about between him and another girl. I confronted him and I told him that the number 1 rule was to disclose any and all communication with other girls whether he felt there was going to be any “follow through” or not.

We take a break from the sexual adventures for awhile and then in 2023 they start back up. Again communication is going back and forth transparently.

This summer I started asking him about a particular girl we had mentioned connecting with. He says that he hasn’t heard from her. I ask him multiple times over a 1 month period and he again says he hasn’t heard from her or “very rarely” she messages him back.

I check the cell phone records and discover this to not be true.

I then go through his phone on labor day weekend and find multiple sexual messages with this girl as well as another girl (Brittany). I confront my husband about both girls and ask where Brittany comes from and how he met her and why he never told me about her. He tells me a story. I decide to contact Brittany the next day (he is unaware that I am doing this).

Brittany tells me a completely different story of how they met and that he was actually offering to pay her to meet up for different sexual services.She then sends me screenshots that prove he has been sexting her for well over a week and has had discussions/made arrangements for her to meet him in person and exchange services for money. She says that they have never met because he has always been flakey.

I confront my husband and he says a couple different things: —It was just sexting! I never was going to actually meet her in person.

—This is all because we had these sexual adventures back in 2022 (I counter with he sexted one other girl that I know of, several years before we started that)

— It was never going to actually happen.

— He just enjoys the fantasy

—He thought I was secretly talking to people too ( I was not. The only sexual adventures I had involved him)

He has been begging me up and down to go to marriage counseling and not throw our family away. I have heard multiple times I just made a mistake, don’t break up our family.

I know some will read this and say “well what did you expect, you played around with other people and this is what happens.” To that, you make a valid point. But again the rule was always to discuss it. When he was discussing conversations with other women with me, there was no problem. It is the sneaky and the lying I am struggling with.