Maybe I'm just yelling into the void but I don't want to burden the people in my life with how I'm feeling.

I remember growing up being told not to worry about not knowing what I want to do with my life, that I'm young and have lots of time to figure it out but now here I am, almost 30 and I still feel just as, if not even more, lost.

I'm grateful to have a full time job but it's not a career and it's mind-numbing and unfulfilling. I'm trying to get out but the job market is so disheartening. I don't even know what I want as a career - preferably something where I can put my degree to use and feel like I'm contributing to society.

My personal life hasn't been great either lately. I'm still struggling to process finding out I'm that I'm donor conceived. I finally did a DNA test and through some matches & digging I found out who my biological father is. I've written a message to send to him I've been too anxious to send it. I haven't brought myself to confront my 'dad' about it and I can't ask my mom because she passed away a couple years ago. I'd be lying if I said I don't hold some resentment and anger towards my parents for keeping that secret from me. My dad is older and has developed health problems that don't seem to have a fix so that's been a stressful situation to navigate amongst everything.

I got broken up with and even though our situation hadn't been ideal it still came as a bit of a shock. I feel like I've moved on but as much as I try I now have little to no interest in pursing a relationship with someone. I hate feeling this way. I want to be more social and form connections but as an introvert I've been finding socializing more and more draining. People tell me to lean into my interests & hobbies but what even are those anymore? Stuff I used to enjoy doesn't bring me the same joy it used to. I would try new hobbies but nothing I've come across speaks to me.

At times I feel like there's something wrong with me, like I'm wired wrong or broken. I'm like a shell of a human who doesn't even know who they are.