i don’t know how exactly how to say what i’m feeling but this has been on my mind for a year and i don’t know how to go about it but it’s really affecting me.

i will preface this by saying i know my friends have their own lives. i get it. i’ve been told time and time again. they have prior commitments and their own family and boyfriends and pets, etc. i am not at all mad or concerned about that.

i’m a 25f who deals with a lot of mental illnesses. i have a therapist, im on meds, going to see a psychiatrist soon, and have a very loving, supportive and understanding family. my depression over the past year has worsened. i have reached out to my friends MULTIPLE times in the past year, stating that i’m not doing well, and feel lonely and sad. they text back to tell me that they are always there for me, and that we will get together soon, but usually if i do not text them again to set something up, i wont hear from them. when i do see them, and usually one on one since schedules don’t line up (which is understandable, there are 4 of us), but it’s usually them quickly stopping into my apartment just to chat for an hour, maybe two if i’m lucky every two to three months.

i guess i’m upset because it seems as if they could really give two shits about me (i have been friends with all for at least 7 years). i reach out, and i feel as if the energy is never reciprocated. i’m struggling so much and could use my friends. i want to have a plan of going out, or spending an afternoon together Sunday tanning, or having a couple drinks, or even running out and doing errands together. my friends aren’t big texters or phone callers either, so i don’t hear from them unless i reach out to them to put a plan together. i try to text in our group chat, and i’m lucky if one person ever responds to my message.

i’m single and do live alone and have a part time job, so i understand that i have more time than others. that’s not an issue though, i’m good at being alone (or i guess isolating) and occupying myself somehow.

should i reach out to them and tell them how i feel? i’m worried that it’ll backfire on me if i do and then i’ll definitely have no friends.

i don’t know what to do