I dont know if this is exactly the right subreddit for this, but this is something weighing heavaly on my mind and I don't want any friends or family to see how poor of a mental state I am slipping into. Considering I hit 31 in a couple of weeks, I have started looking back at my last 30 years. There is a lot I could say, more mistakes than I'd like to admit, along with a general sence of being a complete and total failure; and it's honestly leaves me depressed among other things.

I think the biggest ongoing mistake I have made in my life is a complete failure to maintain friendships and relationships. There are so many friends I've had, but I've failed to stay connected with and so many relationships I've failed to maintain. Even recently, with the limited success I've had with dating apps (I firmly know I am unattractive and horrible at describing myself), I have all fallen apart due to mistakes I made. But this post is about the ones I failed to stay in contact with. Out of all of them, I have one major childhood friend and two coworkers that I regret losing tough with the most.

One was an old friend I grew up with. Our parents even thought we'd end up getting married one day. She was my best friend, and first kiss (it was one of those little kid kisses, but none the less I count jt. Thank you, Hook, great movie you are). Two were coworkers, both amazing people and ones with similar hobbies to me, we got along great on shifts, and we're good friends at the time.

Honestly, I regret not doing more to try connecting with them before everything went cold. I have an amazing and close circle of friends and acquaintances now and ones I would never trade for, but that feeling of missing something remains.

Recently, I have tried to improve my existing connections, so I can at least maintain a strong friend group as I age. Growing up, I always wanted a family, but as I get older, that looks less and less likely thanks to a crippling social anxiety and other mental health issues. Seeing as how the dream of family is slipping away day-by-day, I feel it's best to just save what I can and enjoy what friends I still have.