So, I(19f) I was raped twice two years ago by my ex boyfriend. Generally growing up the size of my ass always got commented on which ended up giving me a diagnosed eating disorder because I thought I was fat, my best friend talks about my body all of the time. In Highschool when guys would ask me out I’d get told “you’re ugly but I’d fuck you” and a group of lads let me know that they played a game of soggy biscuit to a normal photo of me on my mates insta and said I’ll forever be “not their proudest wank”.

I bring up all this shit because I feel like I need to be sexy and hot to be validated. I’m not sexual in real life, I don’t party or go to clubs or bars so I don’t meet people outside of college and I still live at home. So I come on here and discord servers a lot, especially when I’m lonely, to sext. I end up getting quite attached to people even if I’m aware that all they want me for is sexual things. I struggled to mastrabate and get off for a long time because I couldn’t get over how I looked, I tried sex this but that didn’t help either, I’m hyper aware of how I must look and I can’t let it go.

Safe to say my discord dm list is as long as a series of Black Clover and most of them don’t care about me as a person. I get lonely a lot, I have plenty of mates irl but I know I’m too chatty and loud for them so I tend to keep distance so online is all I have. I don’t want to lose that but at the same time I feel disgusting and shitty because people can only care about me if they get nudes and sex talk out of me